You were gone before I could say goodbye
Broken promises and regret filled the space you once had
I don’t know how to move on from this
Was it not just yesterday that we made that we made plans for the future?
What does she mean you’re gone
I spoke to you and everything was okay
I spoke to you and you were still here
Still full of life and love
What happened to make you leave so soon
You were my soul sister—
A piece of a piece of you
But now there’s only the loss of you
A constant heaviness sitting on my chest
I miss you so much it hurts
I miss you so much that it feels as if
I’ll never get back to being okay
But you’re dead
I said it
I admit it
I admit it takes me sometime to remember
You’re everywhere and nowhere all at once
Sometimes I see your face in places it doesn’t belong
But you’re dead
There I said it
I think of you in the depths of your despair
I think of you deciding that this was just too much
I think of the noose around your neck
I feel it on mine
Like a reminder of what could have been
I think of you and the all too familiar loneliness
I think of you when I listen to our favourite songs
I think of you when I find a new lover
I think of you in my depression
I admit that I want you here
That you should have never left
I tell myself over and over and over again
You’re dead
I feel it in my soul now
The weight of your loss
The heaviness of the fact
For months after she tells me you’re gone
For the weeks following the news of your death
I shut myself in and cry like a baby
I let the tears fall
I scream my grief and anger at God and at the world
I play our last conversation over in my mind
Recall that you said we’d see each other soon
I spend the day of your funeral watching others grieve
I watch the video of your funeral and cry for hours
I create a mantra whispering your name in agony
I remember leaving before saying goodbye
Now you’ve left without saying goodbye.