All the butterflies died
when you said you couldn’t
put all your eggs in one basket
as if you even understood
the fragility of those eggs
or my heart
and you never even cared to ask
if it was okay
was it okay
did you not see the tears from the ache?
and how could you say it so simply
and not see it at all
what does it mean to me
to see that you’re no longer him
or never was—
I made you up
a perfect love
untouchable by reality
as if I wasn’t inspired by years of loneliness
and didn’t know what heartbreak sounded like
like the fall didn’t hurt
like the rise didn’t break my bones and soul
and why didn’t you ask me
I kept all my eggs in your basket
and you broke every single piece
but the one already hatching
what did you do to her?
where did she go?
last summer I dreamt of a life I wanted
but couldn’t have
her smile so bright and full
it hurt to look at her
and I wondered
could I wear that face
and say that it was truly mine
she with him and the happiness
and the sheer power of it—
could I be her again
was she ever me?
and why did it feel so good
pure bliss
yet that heart couldn’t hold mine
and his body could never hold mine
my hands could never hold him—
I forgot why it hurt when I woke up
remnants of the dream still playing in my mind
her smile my smile
all the same
why didn’t you ask me?
when you knew I wanted to tell
how could you see that
and remain unreachable
did she take all you could give
are you still hollow
hollowed out
from never having
always giving
I was so sure it was you
so sure it was safe
so sure
I could feel it before I had it—
you didn’t give me anything
I didn’t couldn’t have it
September brought you again
yet you wouldn’t let me have you
just a piece
a tiny little thing is all I wanted
and yet you wouldn’t let me have it—
now the monarch has left
and each glance reminds me
of the emptiness
I try to fill with food
and earth and flowers
and they still won’t come back
I want them back
I want it back
I want them back
could I just have a piece?
